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Last night was Saint Patrick’s Day, so naturally my close friends all wanted me to come out with them for a few drinks. Last night was also the first time I’ve been out drinking since the break-up with the girlfriend. At an emotional time like this, it is important to spend time with those close to you. Even if advice can’t be given solace can still be received without words being spoken.

We started the night off at a comedy club called Yuk Yuk’s where my best friend is the manager. This was great because I really needed to laugh again. It was pretty good until a couple of the comics started talking about relationships, the little pangs of the heart would remind me of what I had no more. Such is life I would say and I marched on, putting a brave face on for the benefit of friends. Who wants to hang out with a sorry wino, lol?

After the comedy club we headed down to a local nightclub called Republic. I’m not a big fan of the place, I find the crowd pretentious, but the group I was with wanted to go there so I tagged along. I’ll have to admit I had a pretty good time but it was weird to be there as a single guy again. It’s been such a long while since I’ve been solo that I still had the “horse blinds” on. My friends Mike and Sonia were constantly pointing out women that were checking me out and at one point a cute girl started chatting with me while I was trying to get a drink at the bar. She was giving me all the signals and saying all the nice comments about my body and even tried to kiss me at one point, I turned my head just in time so that she kissed me on the cheek. I froze then and I think she got the point that I wasn’t comfortable with her closeness. It ended there. Although it’s flattering to know I still “got it”, it still didn’t feel appropriate. I found the advances unwelcome as I felt something was missing. It’s a weird feeling to be surrounded by so many people and yet feeling so utterly lonely.

Not quite the position I expected myself to be in, a few years ago I would have ate up all the attention like a superstar. Could I have grown up so much? Has my value system matured? Why did I feel so detached?

I found myself wanting to go home to bed halfway through the night but I was designated driver and I also served as middle man for a couple of friends who were experiencing some drama of their own. The night ended quietly with us having some Chinese food then hanging out at my best bud’s place until the sun started coming out. I drove another friend home and here I sit, past 8am, writing this post and unable to sleep. I’m thinking too much and the alcohol didn’t help. I’m glad I went out, because at least now I know I really miss being in a relationship. I wasn’t missing any of my social needs, I do not require the admiration of other women. I only needed it from one.

Thanks to Jerry, Sonia, Mike, Richard and Rikki for teaching me a little more about myself, even if you guys didn’t know it.

Here’s a pic of some chick at the restaurant, I don’t know how she didn’t feel the draft and her pants kept getting lower.

Posted on March 18th, 2007 by Leo
Filed under: Lucid Thoughts